Break Your Controller

Fay-balls 3 (Audio Review)

2010-11-20T14:56:00.005-06:00

My first attempt at an audio review. The unlucky guinea pig? Fable 3. I talk about the series in general and then the gameplay, story, sound and overall feeling of the third installment. Enjoy!

- Mr. T

The Ten Cardinal Sins of Video Games (Part 1)

2010-09-24T15:55:00.003-05:00

We all know the tide-worn issues that have plagued video games for decades. The aggravating, nay, debilitating problems that seem to keep cropping up even though legions of fans cry out for change. We've all been in those deep, dark places many times before - now let me bring them to light once again, so we can laugh, cry, seizure, pat ourselves on the back consolingly, and pound our fists into a million innocent armchairs, all in therapeutic union:

1. Unskippable Cut Scenes
Perhaps the most painful and reprehensible atrocity that a game developer can commit is being too lazy, too cheap or too ignorant to make certain ALL of their cut scenes are SKIPPABLE. I can't tell you how many times I've come to a boss fight and, after viewing the preceding cut scene once, promptly died because I had yet to get my enemy's movements down - only to be greeted by the very same cut scene upon my return. Pressing and klacking furiously on my controller to move the show along, an impending sense of dread sets in - I would have to watch this "awesome" scene all the way through -each- time I died. Again and again and again.

This grave sin has been around ever since the cut scene became a viable form of storytelling in video games. Sometimes it honestly feels as if game developers get a twisted sexual thrill out of knowing players will be stuck watching the same dramatic plot twist over and over. Sadist bastards. I don't play your games so you can incessantly ejaculate your long-crafted art and story all over my face just for the sake of me coming to an indirect appreciation of your efforts. I appreciated it the first time - forcing me to watch it again only reinforces my assessment that your all the worst kind of pricks.

2. Inconvenient Save Point Layouts
I've always held fast to the notion that there is a treacherous line to be walked between challenge and cheapness. Save points are just one facet of this notion. I know full well that some developers purposefully make their save points hard to reach, whether retroactively or progressively, but it does not excuse ALL of them from counter-intuitive level design. For instance, situations where the last save point was an hour ago, the next one is behind a mass of goblins, or a giant robot, or an unskippable four-hour cut scene.

Hands down, you have to be able to justify the players struggle to reach those comfort zones with engaging enough gameplay that the player won't mind having to go back and do it all over again. Otherwise, you've fucked the experience of your audience, so why should they care to play your game? They shouldn't. This alone has stopped me from beating a handful of games in my entire video gaming history. I don't -ever- like quitting a game (it's basically sacrilege in the church of the Holy Michael), especially if the game isn't extremely terrible (just haphazardly designed), so you can imagine how fucking pissed misplaced save points must make me.

3. Drawn Out "Game Over" Screens
I know developers want the player to feel a sense of disappointment and gravity when they fail at a section of a game, but when you draw out an already unnecessary video game quirk, you're really just digging your own grave. Many times I've died in games, almost always greeted by a slow fade-in screen with sad music, announcing to me "You Lose", "You're Dead", "Better Luck Next Time" and " I Don't Mean to be Redundant, but you're Dead". I'm also turning you off, video game, so take that. It's goes back to the interruption of flow in a video game experience.

As a player you just want to get right back into the fray without distraction - you know (or don't know) what you did wrong and you want to try a new tactic immediately. A game over screen has the ability to completely obliterate that adrenaline as you sit there waiting for it to unfurl. You sit there and say, "come on, come on, come on," but no, it will never come on. You died and you need to be punished with a flow-crippling funeral procession, each and every time.

4. Obnoxiously Long Loading Times
Normally, I'm a pretty patient person. I like to stroll leisurely, smell the roses, whistle with a big goofy smile on my face - the whole nine. However, with video games I simply cannot tolerate unnecessary waiting. This includes long loading screens. It's funny, because tedious loading seems to occur the most with games you wouldn't ever expect. You know what I'm talking about - five dollar bargain bin cesspits that never should have been made in the first place, games like Rascal, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events or Way of the Samurai.

I understand that the game needs to time to render, like a movie stage being built and rebuilt in a minute and thirty second intervals. I get that. But that minute-thirty starts adding up when you die consistently or when you need to keep going back and forth between transitions or when a fucking unskippable cutscene needs to be loaded in addition to the normal gameplay environment. It should be on the game developers to manage their resources as effectively as possible, making sure that load times are as -short- as possible without sacrificing the integrity of the game.

5. Silent Protagonists
I think at this point in the progression of video games we've all gotten over the novelty that is the "silent protagonist". And it is a novelty. That "oooh, it's like I'm the character, like I'm speaking -for- them" feeling wore off during the middle of the Playstation, N64 and Sega Dreamcast era. Of course, that hasn't stopped lazy developers from utilizing hushed heroes in games today. I know video games are all about interactivity and assimilation in the created world, but silent protagonists just come off as a cheap trick. Frankly, unless you're Nintendo or you're creating an abstract game where no one talks (which you most likely aren't) or your character is actually mute, there is -no- excuse for making your main man (or woman, or thing) short of conversation.

"But Michael," you say, "some characters have low profile personalities, and naturally don't talk very much. You know, like Master Chief." First of all, get the fuck out of my house. Your Halo example is not welcome here. Master Chief has the personality of a cardboard box, and all his adoring boy-toys love him that way because they have low, hackneyed expectations. Secondly, this is exactly what I mean by lazy development. You can't go around excusing the personalities (what little there is) of thin and uninspired protagonists with the argument that being the strong silent type is part of their schtick. I know emotions are scary, but we all have them. Even if the main character is quiet, they still need to effectively communicate in -some- fashion to make games narrative rich and engrossing. Of course, boredom is an emotion. If that's what developers have been going for all this time, well, I stand corrected.

Continued in part 2....

Scorching the Galaxy with a Bad (or Good) Mass Effect-itude 2

2010-02-17T15:46:00.002-06:00

Review: Mass Effect 2 (Bioware)

Being a slobbering devotee of anything Bioware puts their hands on, you'd think I'd be predisposed to suckling on the teat of Mass Effect 2. You'd be right - for the most part. As much as I thoroughly loved my initial play-through of the game, I couldn't help but take issue with a few minor but constant features that restrained a really good game from being a truly great one.

I'll start by saying that, flat out, Mass Effect 2 is better then it's predecessor in many respects. All the bouncy Mako roving, the tedious planet searching, the unwieldy squad combat, the derivative side missions, and the begrudged weapon overheating have been completely thrown out to make way for new ideas - some of which work, others do not. The first thing you'll notice when playing the game, is that the combat system is a whole hell of a lot more palpable. The action feels more intense and consequential this time around, prompting you to look for fire-fights, instead of avoiding them. Additionally, the narrative and setting are considerably more fleshed out compared to the original - at least, for the most part. Your decisions tend to have the same level of severity as in Mass Effect, but now conversation trees sprawl a bit further, plot points and characters alike have more layers to peel back.

However, Mass Effect 2 takes a step back in terms of pacing and extra content. Though the story has more depth to it's stand alone plot turns, the way the narrative is lain out over the entire experience feels somewhat insubstantial. There are basically five major storyline events, and the rest is building up your team. In fact, you could accurately call the game Mass Effect 2: Team Builder Extreme, because you'll spend most of your time filling out your intergalactic roster. Granted the missions involved in team-building offer rich stories of their own, yet more main plot tie-in's would have served the game well.

The game picks up right after the end of the first - the Citadel is saved, Saren and Sovereign are defeated, and Shepard is out in the Terminus systems, mopping up remaining Geth troops. A hulking ship appears out of nowhere, slicing lasers through the Normandy like butter. As the crew scramble to abandon ship, Shepard gets knocked into the vacuum of space, supposedly left for dead. However, Cerberus, the seedy Humanist corporation hinted at in the original game, finds Shepard's body and goes about reviving him/her over the course of two years. When Shepard finally recovers, a Cerberus figurehead named the Illusive Man informs him/her that someone has been abducting entire colonies of humans, and that Shepard is the only one who can stop it.

You can choose to either start fresh with a new Commander Shepard, or use save data to load up a Commander Shepard from the first game. If you choose a new Shepard, decisions of the last game will be made for you - you let the Citadel council die, you let the disingenuous Ambassador Udina take it over, you kill Urdnot Wrex - basically all the renegade choices from the original Mass Effect. If you choose a saved Shepard, then your choices from the first game will somewhat reflect on the sequel, and the narrative will take a slightly different course.

I decided to start by making a brand new Shepard and seeing what path Mass Effect 2 would lay out for me. This is where I ran into one of the big issues I take with the game - the character customization. Now, you might remember that the developers of the original boasted that players could create endless combinations of facial features to make a Shepard that truly suited their style. Of course, when you got to the facial reconstruction screen in the game, it was a very different story. Though you could morph the nose here and pinch the eyes there, it wasn't actually all that comprehensive.

I was very disappointed to see that the facial feature options were not expanded on. All the options from the first game are virtually the same in the second. Most upsetting is the lack of expansion on hair styles and eye shapes - two features that really distinguish a person's looks. You still get the same six or seven hair styles, and five near-identical eye shapes from the first game, be you male or female. It was a real opportunity missed on Bioware's part, probably due in large part to diverted attention for other important aspects of the game. Still, facial diversity really could have added a lot to Mass Effect 2, considering you spend hours and hours looking at your character. Luckily, the folks at Bioware did extend us the service of armor customization. Though the options are, again, few and far between, it's nice to be able to at least superficially change the look and feel of the N7 suit to our personal whims.

This time around, the cast of supporting characters play a much more dynamic role in the game. Whether it be the silly psychopath Jack and her skinhead-esque aggression, or the tweaked out (but totally awesome) Salarian scientist, Mordin Solus, each character on your crew has more to say and more to do, giving them a greater impact on the overall experience. As a result, you care more about your crew in Mass Effect 2, as you take a personal stake in each of their lives. Plus, to sweeten the deal you get a plethora of notable actors filling in their roles. From Martin Sheen (Apocalypse Now) as the Illusive Man, to Adam Baldwin (Firefly, Full Metal Jacket) and Claudia Black (Farscape) as quarians, to Tricia Helfer (Battlestar Galatica) as the Normandy's on-board AI, it's like the ultimate sci-fi convention, within a sci-fi game!

Of course, it's true that the game is in-your-face dark and dangerous - a whole lot more then in the first one. Your crewmen (especially Jack) encapsulate this idea, each having some kind of disturbing past or peripheral event they were involved with. For the most part, the tone hold ups quite well, but it feels a little draining after a while, where you say to yourself, "Alright, I get it, the universe is fucked up - lets move this story along". The "cool" nihilism tends to wear thin once you see that it's purpose is just for thrills.

As if the graphics really needed to be improved on, they are actually sharper and less skittery in Mass Effect 2. The biggest problem with the visuals in Mass Effect was that it took too long to actively render detailed textures over the initial skins of the characters and environments. In the sequel, this problem is -mostly- resolved. There are still a few moments where you get that 5 second delay, where fine details seem to "flood" on to frame after a moment of watching an amorphous blob talking to another amorphous blob. Still, I've got to hand it to Bioware for taking the time to craft some of the most comprehensive facial movements in video games today. Never going for that over-the-top contortionist style, the facial expressions are usually subtle and realistic...even for the aliens. Additionally, the visual effects displayed in combat are so much more satisfying this time around. With effects like fire ammo and powers actually burning enemies, adrenaline bursts slowing down time, and Tron-esque combat drones that root out foes, combat is a true feast for the eyes.

Not only is it a visual treat, the combat is a recurring source of challenging fun in terms of gameplay as well. The introduction of "thermal clips" helps punctuate intense fire-fights, rather then that awful high-pitched beeping signifying your gun had overheated in the first game. Of course, what the fan-boys clamored for most, were heavy weapons. Bioware delivers them in spades. From simple grenade launchers to nuclear dispersal emitters, the heavy weapons play an integral part in gaining the upper hand in overwhelming battles.

The beefed up combat acts as a nice counterpoint to the extended story and dialogue, however, the planet-scanning and tiny side missions leave you deflated. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather analyze a planet from far away to attain minerals - which are used to upgrade equipment - then aimlessly roam it in a stupid balloon car like in Mass Effect, but at the end of the day, it ends up feeling like busy work. Video games should not feel like busy work, RPG or not. It'd be hard for me to imagine someone genuinely getting there jollies from scrolling a circle over a bigger circle all day. I don't think I would want to ever meet that person, if they existed.

I have to say the music was a weaker element this time around. Where as in Mass Effect the music was predominantly stylized '80s synthesizer pieces, Mass Effect 2 takes a more generic, bombastic orchestral approach. It's not that the music is terrible, but for me, the retro synths are such a defining characteristic of Mass Effect, that their marked absence severely dilutes my experience overall. Thankfully, they did at least keep the vintage science video (the kind you'd see in high school) music that plays whenever you open the galaxy map.

Mass Effect 2 is proof that no matter how much you might anticipate a sequel, it doesn't mean that it will miraculously be perfect. The second installment is a better game then the original, despite it's reluctance to stray too far from the original mold. I'm definitely not one of those "new-mongers" where everything has to be fresh and innovative each time out, but I guess I was expecting just a little more in terms of content and execution. Still, the game is a satisfying and well-crafted adventure that no fan should miss. It will be interesting to see how Bioware will approach the third installment, though it seems they're already thinking about it, where on some of Mass Effect 2's load screens it reads, "Your decisions in Mass Effect 2 may have dire consequences in Mass Effect 3". Hah!

Honey, I shrunk the review: Rez HD

2010-01-08T22:11:00.001-06:00

Mini-Review: Rez HD (Q Entertainment)

The sweet, sweet tango of music and video games was never more intuitive and dazzling then the cult classic Rez. Originally developed for the Dreamcast and Playstation 2 by Sega's United Game Artists (whose members worked on the Panzer Dragoon series), Rez never really rocketed into the mainstream spotlight. That didn't stop a growing legion of fans from around the world from singing it's praises, though.

In the meantime, lead developer Tetsuya Mizuguchi went on to make the stellar music-based games Space Channel 5 and Lumines, but he never forgot about the little Rez that could. Thus, Mizuguchi and his team created Rez HD, a sharper and sleeker version of the original game. The barrage of pulsating trance music, geometric enemies, color clouds and abstract digi-scapes come through crystal clear on high-def screens.

To me, Rez HD is the rebirth of a game that is still far ahead of it's time in terms of design and concept. Utilzing your joystick and a held-down button, you slide your crosshair around the screen, targeting enemies and power-ups. Then, something strangely wonderful happens when you release that button. Not only do waves of polygonal energy blasts come zooming out of your avatar, but each hit makes a corresponding musical sound. Yes, that's right, you get to partake in the composition of a song, -while- you blast enemies to digital dust!

Of course, the way Rez HD will really steal your heart is with it's glimmering futurist presentation. Wire frames and cascading lights cruise across the screen, pulling you deeper into a manifested cyberspace - a space full of black infinity, red viruses and firewalls, an AI named Eden, and your flanged, gliding avatar. The rhythmic pounding of the intense eletronic music solidifies the experience, where bright synthesizer notes and cymbal crashes appear as you delete your pixelated adversaries in punctuated intervals. You would be hard-pressed to find a game with a more slick, dynamic and stimulating soundtrack then the delicious music of Rez. In fact, don't even try finding a better music game, because it doesn't exist.

The point is: get this game, and get it right now. Whether it be via Xbox Live Arcade or an illegal torrent, prepare yourself to have the best epilleptic fits of your life.

Double Heavy Hitters Finally Come Home

2010-01-06T12:06:00.000-06:00

Don't forget boys and girls, Mass Effect 2 is coming, coming, coming to your town. Mark your calendar for January 26th, 2010. Are you ready to bask in the glory of the krogan, the brains of the Solarians, the sensuality of the Asari, and the pride of the Turians once again? You bet your ass you are. With new superpowered weapons, an expanded universe, and a darker edge to your moral choices, Mass Effect 2 is promising to be a very special experience.

Also, your pants need fresh poo, and Bioshock 2 is menacingly approaching. The game makes it's way to release on February 9th, 2010. This time around you assume the role of a Big Daddy, being able to use your drill arm and rivet gun, in addition to plasmids, guns and other weapons. I'm interested to see where 2k Games goes with this "Big Sister" angle, a little sister who grew up and came to rule Rapture with an iron fist.

Exciting times for video games seem to come in waves, especially due to the fact that they take so long to make, but there's no question that this winter will rock your face to the floor.

We came, we saw, we kicked it's Ghostbusters!

2010-01-04T11:39:00.024-06:00

Review: Ghostbusters (Terminal Reality)

When I first heard a new Ghostbusters game was being developed, I was both ravenously excited and staunchly skeptical. On the one hand, the screenshots looked spectacular. They depicted a Ghostbuster running around in a library (which I hoped was the New York Public Library from the first movie, and bless the developers, it was!), blasting a wild red proton beam, trying to wrangle a cartoonish apparition, all while books flew off shelves and burned. I felt like I had won the childhood-dream lottery. I couldn't believe that Terminal Reality was actually resurrecting the Ghostbusters franchise. Sure, there was always talk, but I never held out much hope.

Of course, on the other hand, a stream of doubts immediately curtailed my initial celebration. Movie games, like superhero games, have a bad case of herpes that most can't shake. Like herpes, these games suffer from spotted lesions, poor visuals, mouth sores, flimsy mechanics, and painful gooey discharge - while setting off emotions like anger, fear, boredom and resentment. I crossed my fingers tightly, waiting for the inevitable scourge of one of my most beloved movie universes.

Yet, it never came. It was confirmed that Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson and Bill Murray would be returning to reprise their roles as the quintessential paranormal exterminators, with Aykroyd and Ramis writing the story. The beautiful screenshots kept rolling in, the promise of getting proton pack upgrades enticed, cameos from Slimer and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man swooned, and the foreseen ghost-busting system tantalized.

The story kicks in two years after the events of Ghostbusters 2, with the team hiring on a rookie to spread the ghost hunting responsibilities around. As the newly expanded group heads out on seemingly routine ghost catching jobs, they discover not all is well in the Big Apple. Through the vivacious museum curator, Ilyssa Selwyn (voiced by Alyssa Milano), the guys learn that their old pal Ivo Shandor is up to no good. Shandor, the insane architect who designed a New York high-rise to summon the demon god, Gozer, in the first film, has now devised a nefarious plot involving inter-dimensional rifts of biblical proportions.

For someone who grew up with Peter Venkman, Egon Spangler, Winston Zeddemore, and Ray Stanz, the game was both a big shot of nostalgia and a reaffirmation of a unique story and characters. Memories of emulating my brown-clad heroes by jumping off couches with a little plastic proton pack (even mimicking the celebration scenes at the ends of the movies) trickled in as I made my way through Ghostbusters. More then that, I found that the game was devoutly soaked in the lore of the movies, with piles and piles of references, like Tobin's Spirit Guide, the painting of Vigo the Carpathian, and the Sedgewick Hotel ballroom making their way into the digital realm. I was instantly in love.

However, the real value of Ghostbusters comes somewhere in between the hype before it's release and the criticism after it's release. While I might have been floored by the sheer amount of movie references, locations and character appearances (Walter Peck, anyone?), the actual gameplay wasn't totally perfect. While it's satisfying to lasso, slime, blast, and trap ghosts with the wide variety of proton pack add-ons, combat felt loose and unwieldy at some of the most crucial moments. The tiered entrapment process calls for a finger tango on your gamepad, and any slight mistake will have you cursing and flailing around trying to wrangle the slippery ghoul once again.

Also, forget about relying on your teammates for help, as they are far too busy faithfully recreating their movie counterpart's quirks to shoot ghosts or even notice when you've fallen and need to be revived. Don't get me wrong, I love all of Peter Venkman's smart-ass comments, but when you're incapacitated on the floor with twenty ghosts frenetically swirling around you, and all he does is repeat the phrase, "Yeah, that's what happens when you mess with the men in beige," instead of reviving you, you start to have some serious doubts about the integrity of the squad mechanics. It's not as if any game out there has really perfected squad-based gameplay, but with Ghostbusters, it feels particularly like it resents the player and wants to piss in their eyes.

The graphics didn't suffer quite as much. The rich, diverse environments and extremely detailed character likenesses really pack a shiny visual punch. All the special rendering effects like ghosts and proton blasts glimmer across the screen, looked smooth and natural for the game's reality. Levels like the Sedgewick Hotel, Museum of Natural History, and even the Ghostbusters firehouse are all rendered in vibrant tones and textures. It was a particular treat for me to be able to walk around the firehouse, be able to slide down the poles, look at all the scientific contraptions on the pool table upstairs, visit Jeanine at her desk, and even check on the storage containment system in the basement.

Of course, the biggest thrill for me was seeing Bill Murray, Ernie Hudson, Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd in all their pixelated glory. The likenesses are uncanny, and it really serves to pull you that much further into the story. That is, except for the glassy doll eyes. Whats the deal with that? Sure all the characters look like they should, but it appears as if everyone is crying all the time because the eyeballs themselves reflect light. It wasn't too much of a detraction, but I couldn't help cracking grins every time I saw the guys being funny, but inexplicably on the verge of tears at the same time.

And what about the music? I was ecstatic to find when the start screen loaded up, that iconic bouncing piano piece by composer Elmer Bernstein confidently stroll in to set the mood right from the get-go. All the films music returns in the Ghostbusters video game, including the spooky Theremin pieces, and the strained rising strings that truly solidified the original cinematic experience. And you just know that Ray Parker Jr.'s famous pop song had to make it into the game somewhere. Load screens always feature the song, which being the height of '80s cheese, will effectively pump you up to capture some ghosts - unless, of course, you have a heart made of bullshit.

Thankfully, the kinks in the gameplay aren't nearly enough to spoil the overall experience of Ghostbusters. For anyone who ever enjoyed the movies, you -will- like this game, as it truly is another sequel to the films. Everything you could want, and more is to be found in the game - the characters, the locations, the equipment, the ghost and possessed object database, the music - it's all here. Terminal Reality did it's best to balance movie influence and game influence, and I've got to applaud them for the effort. It's so easy to go one way or the other when making a movie video game, but straddling that line is a real challenge.

Mega Man Yardsale at the Capcom Store

2009-12-18T18:25:00.003-06:00

Capcom has decided to bring a little holiday cheer to Mega Man fans across the world. Beginning two days ago, the game publisher announced a 10% discount on everything Mega Man in their online store, located here:

Capcom Store Online

Mega Man obsessives shouldn't dawdle, though, the sale lasts through next week until the 26th. So charge up your arm cannon, and get ready to be frustrated by painfully out of reach platforms, because Mega Man's coming to town.

Keeping informed about the best thing ever!

2009-12-16T11:26:00.007-06:00

Recently, Square Enix announced that they have created a Facebook group and Twitter page for their forthcoming release of the highly anticipated Final Fantasy XIII. Both will keep fans informed about the status of the games North American release on Xbox 360 and Playstation , as well as updated news on the story, screenshots, and a chance to meet other fans of the game.

Go on, get:

Final Fantasy Facebook Page

Final Fantasy Twitter Page

It's one step closer to Final Fantasy XIII at long last storming our shores.

The new trailer for Red Dead Redemption will toss your tumbleweeds!

2009-12-15T12:00:00.009-06:00

Today Rockstar Games released a new official trailer for their upcoming spaghetti western adventure Red Dead Redemption, the follow-up to their flawed but fun Red Dead Revolver. Shit pants with excitement...now:

It looks like Rockstar has something really dynamic going on under the hood over there. The voice talent seems strong, the music blasts wavering Spanish trumpets and rolling acoustic guitar, and, of course, the dusty wind-swept environments are very easy on the eyes. If Rockstar learned from all their mistakes on Red Dead Revolver, Red Dead Redemption might just shape up to be the one western video game which delivers on all the fantastic potential of the genre. Up until now some developers have tried, with games like Gun and Call of Juarez, but something essential is missing from those games, and they aren't quite as powerful and dazzling as they should be. Let's hope Red Dead Redemption takes westerns to a new level of legitimacy.

Red Dead Redemption rides into your town on April 27th, 2010.

Marrying internet TV and video games together with GoodGameTV (With bonus G4TV Rant)

2009-12-14T02:52:00.017-06:00

We all know the horror story of TechTV. It was a fun, unassuming and diverse TV channel that featured shows across all aspects of technology - these included Call for Help, where your computer woes were remedied, Eyedrops, showcasing the latest in 3D animated short films, and Extended Play, a show that reviewed video games. Then something unfathomable happened. Corporate take over!

Thus, TechTV began to change. It changed in strange, terrible ways - then something even more catastrophic occured! It began to call itself "G4TV". This Doctor Frankenstein began with good intentions, but then, it was too late - his beast ran amuk! ATTACK OF THE SHOW! CHEAT! FILTER! KEVIN PEREIRA! KRISTIN HOLT! HAPPY TREE FRIENDS! TOMMY TALLARICO! The horror! The unholy terror of it all!

Ahem...at any rate, while G4TV certainly monopolizes your television set, the internet is wide open for start-up companies to offer new forms of video game programming and snatch up a good niche of folks who aren't quite satisfied with the bullonium that G4 is slinging. Enter: GoodGameTV.

GoodGameTV is a burgeoning internet TV site that offers a selection of shows, each with a distinctly different tone and purpose. For example, a show like "Gamer Reaction" which features reviews, previews and news, as well as user reviews and some comedy bits, may appeal more to some people - while "No Reset", a drama/comedy involving a game developer whose just broken up with his long-time girlfriend, might strike the fancy of others. The key elements to GoodGameTV seems to be diversity and strong entertainment factor.

While I can't say the production value of the shows and the execution of humor was spot-on across the board, I'm more excited about what GoodGameTV has the potential to become in the future. What makes GoodGameTV unique is that they extend the invitation to create good content beyond their immediate team. They welcome new content from both professional and emerging producers, as long as they have a major passion for games and a keen idea for a show that highlights such a passion.

Of course, when it comes to the internet, you spell "subscription fee" with an "F" and a "U", but GoodGameTV does offer diverse content without any ads (thank the lord), so a mere $4 a month sounds pretty good! It's worth it to not have Apple or HP or whoever cram some inane product down your throat each time you want to watch your favorite show. Additionally, the site promises to grow even bigger and to offer even stronger content on a plethora of expansive mediums including CGI, animation and machinima.

The most refreshing thing about GoodGameTV is that it's content is geared towards -adults- who enjoy any or all of the geek fundamentals - games, comics, sci-fi, fantasy, etc. You can count on all of GoodGameTV's programs being geared to the grown-up gamer who can handle swear words, references to sex, references to pop culture before 1992, drinking, bad life decisions - the whole smorgasbord of human depravity!

The bottom line is that GoodGameTV is a site to watch, and if you're a filmmaker who loves games or a gamer who has filmmaker friends, why not contact the site about a potential show idea? You can't really complain about doing better, when you have the chance to make a better show yourself!

Go visit the site now, and join the community for a free ten-day trial:

GoodGameTV

Kotaku spills the beans on star-studded voice talent for Mass Effect 2

2009-12-12T13:30:00.008-06:00

Kotaku recently reported that a number of celebrities will be lending their vocal tendons to Mass Effect 2:

Mass Effect 2 is Full of Stars

Needless to say, I'm giddy as a film school elitist to hear that Martin Sheen, the man who chased down nutty old Colonel Kurtz across Vietnam in Apocalypse Now, and crude but loyal Animal Mother himself, Adam Baldwin, from Full Metal Jacket, are lending their talents to Bioware's upcoming release. Also, the addition of Battlestar Galatica alums Tricia Helfer (sly fox Number 6) and Michael Hogan (alcoholic commander Sal Tigh) is a nice way to round out the line up of just-above-the-radar voice talent.

Of course, you've got Keith David returning as Captain Andersen, a man who gets so much voice work, you'd think he could rival Steven Jay Blum in a voice acting career-off. You'd recognize him as the voice of Spawn in the animated series, the Arbiter in Halo, Goliath from Gargoyles, the cat in Coraline, and a plethora of other small voice rolls. His finest achievement is by far those "sweet" Navy commericials with Godsmack blasting in the background ("If some wrote a book about your life, would anyone want to read it?").

This only cements my excitement for Mass Effect 2, especially when Bioware co-founder Ray Muzyka says something like, "Emotionally engaging narrative is a key design pillar for BioWare". Yes, you go Bioware, you go.

First thoughts on a new babe in black and glasses

2009-12-11T13:33:00.008-06:00

Preview: Bayonetta (Sega)

I have to admit, I was pretty skeptical about this game when I first heard about it. Perhaps it was because I thought Devil May Cry 4 was such a steaming load that any similar iteration on the "ridiculous leather and action" genre would fail big time as well. Luckily, Hideki Kamiya, the lead developer on the original Devil May Cry (the good one), and the side-scrolling smash up Viewtiful Joe, is taking the reigns on Bayonetta.

There's a fine line between "good" ridiculous and "bad" ridiculous. It's hard to ascertain where those lines are drawn, but you can feel it deep in your soul when something is so strange that it's just plain fantastic - or alternately when you're exposed to lame, flippant randomness, so hellbent on being entertaining that it fails to achieve any reaction at all. It seems like Bayonetta is gearing up to be part of the former category.

While the demo on Xbox Live was scant with details on the story, you're plunged straight into an epic free-fall of gothic masonry, slicing and blasting through angel-demon-floating-infant-head creatures. As you control and manipulate the limber, tall-heeled heroine, Bayonetta, it becomes clear that style and panache are the forerunners of the game.

First of all, she has guns on her shoes. Yes, that's right, -guns- on her -shoes-. Many of the combos you pull off will have Bayonetta doing handstands and flailing her legs around shooting enemies into oblivion. There's even a special move where you can aim the joystick in the direction of where you want to shoot....with her gun-legs. Of course, that doesn't even come close to topping her mischevious long locks. When you've strung a combo together long enough, her hair turns into a flashy finishing move, driving that proverbial curl into the coffin. Her hair takes the form of giant rising fists and large blades, all the while leaving the bespectacled vixen nearly naked. Thats right, apparently her suit is made out of her magical hair.

So you can see that the "ridiculous" factor is in overdrive here. The distinction, though, is that the demo was extremely fun. Underneath the comically ostentatious veneer, is a lucid hack-and-slash that feels inutitive, colorful and satisfying. The marriage of solid action and crazy art direction bodes well for Bayonetta. Let's just hope that it follows suit with the story, characters, upgrade mechanics and extra features.

Pro-registration all the way! Vote for Iron Man! Vote for Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2

2009-12-08T15:27:00.037-06:00

Review: Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 (Vicarious Visions)

It's long been a dream of mine to see all of my favorite childhood superheroes team up in an ultimate action beat-em-up. Marvel games have come and gone over the years, some nearly realizing that dream. Captain America and the Avengers, X-Men: The Arcade Game, The Punisher, Maximum Carnage and Marvel vs. Capcom 2 are some of the most fun and well-executed superhero games I've ever played, even to this day.

Of course, none of these past titles really encompassed the thorough abilities, thrilling story lines, vast character line-ups and general punch-packing that the original Marvel comics really contained. Besides the chosen few, most superhero games (Marvel, DC, and otherwise) immediately fall into the giant landfill of good concepts dashed by phoned-in game design. Mediocre ideas and franchise sellouts have been the bane of superhero video games for nearly two decades now. The casualties are legion: X-Men (Sega Genesis), The Incredible Hulk (Sega Genesis/SNES), Iron Man/X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal, Fantastic Four (PS2), Spider-Man and X-Men: Arcade's Revenge, Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems, X2: Wolverine's Revenge, Blade, Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects, and on and on and on.

But even with the checkered history of superhero games, is it at all possible to capture the full essence of the Marvel universe in a single, spectacular dose? Development studio Vicarious Visions answers this with a firm "you bet your ass". Their stellar work on Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 proves that the superhero game genre is far from dead. It just needed to be placed in the right hands.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 would make any proper fan-boy want to butter their toast twice over. If you don't spasm with joy over the sheer amount of geekdom that is packed into the game, ye hardly can present thyself as a Marvel obsesseth. It's not to say a newcomer to the Marvel universe wouldn't have fun with the game, but let's face it, this game was -made- for comic dorks. With a robust line up of both popular and obscure characters, an engaging plot based off the recent "Civil War" series, elements of RPG leveling and dynamic, streamlined graphics, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 would be loath to disappoint, right? Mostly, yes.

The game kicks off with the mainstay heroes of Marvel - Iron Man, Captain America, Spider-Man and Wolverine - helping Nick Fury with a not-so-legit infiltration mission in Latveria, a country in Eastern Europe formerly ruled by Dr. Doom. The team unwittingly causes an international incident, igniting U.S. congress to attempt to place regulations on all superheroes. Captain America, being the fruity libretarian that he is, doesn't like this one bit, so he leads an underground movement to disrupt any progress on the legislation. On the other hand, Iron Man takes the pragmatic approach, rallying for superhero registration in an attempt to stave off wide-scale persecution, while more pressing battles rage on. The result is an unprecedented civil war where friends must fight friends, beliefs are tested and lives are torn apart - all while a mysterious menace grows in the shadows.

I've got to hand it to Vicarious Visions for picking one of the most engaging Marvel plots in recent memory as their source material. The execution of telling the "Civil War" story is consistently smart, fresh and satisfying. Told through cutscenes, audio diaries, sleekly designed briefing animations and Nick Fury's database commentary, many facets of the Marvel "Civil War" are so well crafted, you'll be scrambling to the internet to learn even more. It's a major step up from the original Marvel Ultimate Alliance, which starts out rich and action-packed but quickly deteriorates into a series of generic hero/villain conflicts that usually play out like:

Villain: "I'm going to tear you a new asshole, Hero 1, a new asshole, you hear me!?"
Hero: "Not while I have something to say about it, sweet nips! I'm going to punch you so hard!"
Villain: "My obligatory ego, vague motivations and world-encompassing plans will not be thwarted. Have at you!"

The end.

Though the narrative elements aren't completely explored, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 does focus more on personal interactions and reactions between the heroes. As a result you get a "human" weight to an otherwise flighty universe of spandex, lasers, flying, invisibility, teleportation, hot chicks and Deadpool. To see your beloved superheroes articulately battling each other over socio-political issues is a refreshing spin, to say the least. It's even more refreshing that you get to take part in it. The game's modern edge offers players an augmented emotional response rather then letting them sit there like zombies, chanting, "huh, cool action....huh, cool graphics....huh, cool powers....huh, cool boss fight...huh, done."

And now the question I know your begging to be answered: what does the roster look like? I won't give them all away but you're graced with the presence of iconic heroes like Iron Man (need I say more), Captain America, Mr. Fantastic, and Storm, as well as lesser-known heroes such as Songbird, Iron Fist and Speedball. All in all, the line up is diverse, but the range of powers are fairly similar for each character, unless they are unique like Wolverine or Deadpool.

Each hero has four powers, two of them radial, one focused and another being rapid-fire. While each heroes' power might have similar attack patterns, it doesn't detract from the satisfaction of using them. Every ability feels like it makes a big impact, tossing enemies back, frying them or freezing them, slicing into them and plain old pounding them to dust. With the ability to level and spend talent points, favorite powers can be augmented over others. The combat is richly delivered by Vicarious Visions, marking another significant portion of the game's success.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 certainly isn't the shiniest rock in the box, but the game still looks super-powered. All the heroes are rendered in professional detail, but it's their powers that truly stand out. The animations for powers are glee-inducing - Storm's raging winds, Iron Man's repulsor beams, Spider-Man's wiry webs - all have a sheen and fluidity that marks a massive improvement on the original Marvel Ultimate Alliance, where the powers felt weak and passive. The level design for the game is much improved, as well. Stages contain fleshed-out atmospheres, from the old European architecture of Latveria to the sun-soaked jungles of Wakunda, each environment playing a larger role in the combat and momentum of the game.

The stately orchestral score holds it's own against the big action and climactic story, but I can't say it's extremely memorable. The buzzing trumpets and military-march drum rolls certainly suggest the importance of the events in game, however the music only ever approaches a "decent" impact. It feels much more like practical window-lining, then anything else.

All in all, the game does satisfy my fan-boy appetite. I can't say Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 was an amazing journey never to be topped, but it's still a very good game. The "Civil War" setting and dynamic use of powers in combat really cement the success of the overall experience. My childhood fantasy was definitely fulfilled with Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Being able to see all my favorite superheroes in one giant extravaganza was a real treat. Any fan of the Marvel universe will not be disappointed.

These rusty gears need oil! These Gears of War 2!

2009-11-20T15:15:00.017-06:00

Review: Gears of War 2 (Epic Games)

Let's face it, when you play a game like Gears of War 2, you're not looking for an intricate plot with far-reaching themes and endearing characters. You're there to blast some pale aliens into sticky black goo - maybe even with a friend. The game is like that rowdy kid you knew who never played with action figures properly - he'd just smash them together, completely content with the simple thrill of action.

The story in simple mathematical terms: hostile Locust aliens + human planet = grand invasion, divided by COG soldiers + a big bomb = the original Gears of War, multiplied by huge city-sinking worm + strange disease + queen of the Locust = Gears of War 2. That's all there is to it. I fondly recall reading a big article in Game Informer on the game way before it came out. The magazine had a fancy layout with in-depth character bios, weapons schematics, world maps, and story bullet points. Talk about excessive coverage. Gears of War 2 is not nearly as intricate, epic or consequential as Game Informer's six-page blowjob would have me believe.

The developers at Epic Games shouldn't even have bothered tossing a narrative in. Alas, they did. Like many video game creators who capitalize on the macho-military boyhood fantasy, the story is thrown in to give the player that vague motivation to keep cracking wise and killing aliens. It's totally unnecessary, of course. No one is going to care about the personal lives or the fate of Marcus Fenix or Dominic Santiago or Damon Baird or Augustus Cole at the end of the day.

They're just four burly men who are stupid, gruff, and cocky. Fenix has a shaded past, that Epic doesn't seem willing to bring to light (because it would expose their lack of talent at writing), and his buzz-saw voice sounds like an old diner waitress whose been smoking for the better part of 30 years. Santiago is that guy who didn't have a wife in Gears of War, then "suddenly" did in the sequel. Baird is the handyman, whose magical skill set never seems to fail at such complex and diverse tasks as computer hacking, bomb disarmament, and vehicle repair. Cole is your raging black stereotype - he's loud, he's crude, he's a former football player and he says " oh yeah, baby" after every other sentence.

As we've learned in the past, however, a bad story does not necessarily equal bad graphics. Gears of War 2's gritty, war-torn world is expertly rendered, all under a stylized monochromatic camera filter. Explosions rise into the air with the natural swirls of smoke and fire, and the pale Locusts blood spills out like shimmering blackberry jam. Additionally, the level design, while not majorly diverse, is intuitive and even shows sparks of originality - especially with levels like the "inside the giant worm bowels", where you slosh around destroying it's multiple hearts, getting soaked from head to toe in blood in the process.

The characters faces and armor are detailed and chunky, giving the game an oddly cartoonish proportion. Similar to Blizzard's design of their characters, the stumpy participants in Gears of War 2 seem ironically at home in their tall, bleak environment. The line up of enemies you face is imaginative and robust, too. Everything from hulking brumaks to spindly corpsers to beefy boomers to flying-squid reavers showcase the developers emphasis on intense, memorable enemies.

The ace up Epic's sleeve is by and large the addictive combat. Utilizing the popular cover-and-fire approach to gameplay, Gears of War 2 makes diving, crouching and shooting from behind barriers a real treat. The ability to blindly pepper enemies with fire, then snap up into view and finish the job is one of the combat system's most unique eccentricities. Only carrying two weapons at a time is another succinct method of prompting players to be strategic in their choices. I myself preferred the machine gun and sniper rifle combination, though the sniper rifle is aggrivatingly slow. I can't say I was too impressed with the vehicle portions of the game, though. While it is diverse - you get to ride on a personnel carrier, an armored jeep, and alien beasts - it seems like a shallow afterthought compared to the intense gunfights that you encounter in every environment.

While the generic original score of military drums and sullen strings is nothing to bat your eyelash at, the concussive sound design provides ample immersion into the extraterrestrial battlefield. Bullets whiz by, explosions reverberate, helicopters whoop overhead, Locust yell with their chocolate fudge throats - all the sounds create that extra kick in the pants to augment the feverish visuals. However, the music lags behind like a fat little brother, and almost seems unnecessary amidst such loud and abrasive action.

The bottom line is you should only play Gears of War 2 for that need to satisfy your action addiction. Don't expect to be wooed or shmoozed by weather-worn army veterans or misunderstood alien morality. Don't expect to have the premise resound with you long after the game is finished. Gears of War 2 is simply like playing with little army men -and yes, that kid who couldn't play with action figures properly is still calling the shots.

Lessons in unnecessary expletives, with your teacher, Bionic Commando.

2009-11-08T13:54:00.017-06:00

Review: Bionic Commando (Capcom)

If there's anything in the world that screams "14-year-old boy's sloppy wet dream", it's Capcom's re-imagining of Bionic Commando. Right from the opening cinematic, with it's temper-tantrums and macho cat-calling, you get the sense that a group of painfully adolescent jockstraps were brought in as creative consultants for the writers. Practically everything about Bionic Commando - the story, the characters, the simplistic structure - is completely soaked in the love-juices of a pimpled teenager fulfilling his wildest angst-fueled fantasies (tentacle rape not withstanding).

It's a real shame, because the original Bionic Commando, and even it's virtual console upgrade, Bionic Commando: Rearmed, retain a wacky, farcical sense of humor amidst all the tough-as-nails action. The series never took itself too seriously, offering a kind of pulp satire of futuristic military action games. Capcom has added their special modern touch of bullshit, however. This new installment of Bionic Commando, the "proper" current-gen iteration of the series, ditches the series hallmark humor for tough-guy overcompensation and impotent smugness.

The story, as flimsy and pasted together as it is, involves the titular bionic commando, Spencer, imprisoned for 2 years after a scandal involving a failed mission for the Federal States of America, amidst a wave of bionic persecution by the public and the armed forces. When a cataclysmic device detonates across a heavily populated city called Ascension, Spencer is pulled out of prison and sent in to investigate, with his old leader, Super Joe, commanding him.

It doesn't -sound- like a terrible premise, but the way that the developers executed it in-game is another story entirely. Bionic Commando comes off like a pubescent fan-fiction, complete with profanity, one-sided heroes and villains, profanity, a build up of ridiculous inconsequential events, and, oh yeah, profanity. Did I mention profanity? Honestly, with all the cursing going on they might as well have named it "Bionic Fucking Commando", because that is exactly the insecure kind of attitude that drips from every pour of the game. On average, every other line that Spencer delivers in his pouty-boy sneer (voiced by Mike Patton, of that god-awful band Faith No More), contains at least five unnecessary curse words and usually has to deal with the commando being "rebellious". Here's an example:

Spencer: "This is bullshit Joe, I don't fucking owe you or the unit a shitty anything."
Joe: "You don't have much choice, just do your job."
Spencer: "Balls, dicks and cumblasters! I'll go along with it...for now, but only because you -might- have information on my wife. Now, if you'll fucking excuse me, I have to fix my asshole dreadlocks."

Also, to really show you folks how aggravatingly smug the writers were in creating dialogue, I swear to god, this was a direct line from the game:

After seeing a giant mechanical worm blast upward through a parking lot, Spencer says: "Whoa, is that a long health bar or are you just happy to see me?"

Hm, a raging macho jock making a sex joke about a giant robotic phallus. Latent homosexuality, much?

Alright, alright, so it's an awful story with awful characters, but what about the gameplay? I have to give credit where it is due, because the core mechanics are actually very fun. I didn't know how well the grappling, hanging and swinging operations of the original Bionic Commando would translate to a totally 3D, semi-free roaming environment, but the folks at Capcom really implemented it effectively. Swinging and soaring through the air from building to building, chasm to chasm, platform to platform is incredibly satisfying. Of course, Spencer has to let you know he's excited too, adding "colorful" dialogue, and sometimes you even get embarrassing "wooooo-hoooo's" and "ooohh yeeeeeaaah's", like he was getting an awkward handjob mid-swing. Still, if there is one redeeming quality about the game, it's the swinging mechanics - Capcom took the series staple mode of transportation very seriously, and it shows.

Another positive aspect is that Bionic Commando looks very pretty. All the destroyed radioactive city sections, dark caverns, rich forests and oil-rig fortresses are rendered in a visually striking sheen, really letting your swinging excursions act as a sort of glorified "tourist trolley" for Ascension City. Spencer is rendered fairly well and the swinging animations look fluid, but he just doesn't pull in much attention for the duration of the game (probably because of those unsightly dreadlocks).

The gunplay is pretty standard, but the ability to grapple-dive into enemies, dismantle their power suits, and hike objects (or even enemy corpses) in the air and toss them at unsuspecting victims really spices things up. It gives the otherwise ineffectual guns, a satisfying "wax on, wax off" alternation. Still, the standard rocket launcher, grenade launcher, shotgun, sniper rifle and machine gun do offer their moments of impact and hilarity.

The music in the game was surprisingly solid. I'm guessing it's because they took the classic themes from the old game and pumped them up with modern orchestral arrangements. Obviously, doing such a thing can go both ways, but in Bionic Commando, it's done with proficiency. It's great to hear those first few familiar notes ring out as you swing around the city, then come in full blast when reaching a spot of combat. If not for the iconic arrangements from the original game, however, it would merely be music that served it's function, not particularly saying anything for itself.

But seriously, what is with those dreadlocks? I mean, I cannot, for the life of me, fathom why the developers would assume this was a good move. It's dreadlocks on a -white- man. A white -military- man. Aren't we exposed enough to the unfortunate fashion disaster that is dreads, when strolling through a local state college quad, watching those guys who play hacky-sack, smell of patchouli, and listen to Dave Matthews Band, even preferring the double-disc live albums? It's sickening. There is no way you can make dreadlocks look "badass" or "sweet" in any context, and sitting atop a buff, military baby-man does not change things. Did Capcom assume that it was the dream hairstyle of bullcut 14-year-old boys everywhere?

In the end, despite it's fun swinging mechanics, Bionic Commando is another in a long line of current-gen games that, using overt military themes, dresses itself up as a serious adult, but is actually the parody of what a kid thinks being grown up is like on the inside. A world of superfluous cursing, guns and defiance. Yeah, because that's what we all go through everyday, right? Right?

It's times like these that I wish Capcom would exclusively make abstract games with no narrative, because they have no clue how to tell a meaningful or enduring story, but, on the other hand, can snap their fingers and create some of the most addictive video game mechanics on the market.

Where Delusional Snobs Dare: Fable 2

2009-10-20T19:36:00.024-05:00

Review: Fable 2 (Lionhead Studios)

Game developer Peter Molyneux is notorious for puffing up the "ground-breaking" qualities of his games, his gargantuan ego letting him believe he's the supreme cheese when it comes to creating role-playing games based on the good versus evil mechanics. When a man says something like, "Fable will set the standard for which all RPG's are compared," that man is given the burden of proof. That man happens to be none other then Mr. M, and so far, his blind enthusiasm for the concepts that his own games never deliver on, provides no proof of his claims, and further cuts him off from a little place called "reality". Hell, he's got his head so far up his own ass, you wonder how the rest of us could make anything out of that muffled tone coming from his intestines.

This lurid limey, whose games have -consistently- been marred with redundancy, misfired conceptualization, and questionable storytelling, continues on his benign hype-fests to this day. His track record of games is varied, with the likes of sandbox developer Theme Park, the "god game" Black & White and, most recently, the popular RPG, Fable. The original Fable was to be the second-coming of Jesus, according to Molyneux - instead it was the first-coming of Ralph, Jesus' slur-speeched inbred cousin. Fable sacrificed versatility, intuition and execution (the groundwork of any near-flawless video game), in the name of a lofty existential morality system - a system which wasn't all that original, considering the time-frame it was made.

To no surprise, Molyneux's latest creation, Fable 2, applies the same system in a similarly haphazard fashion, where the rampant shortcomings far outweigh the novel mechanics on offer. In a market with developers like Bioware (Stars Wars: KOTOR, Mass Effect) and Bethesda (Fallout 3, Oblivion), who've been chipping away at good/evil choose-your-own-adventure games for years and years, Fable 2 comes off like that awkward guy at the party that tries too hard to do an impression of Christopher Walken asking for more "cowbell".

There are so many faults with Fable 2, both obvious and subtle, so I'll start with the most apparent:

Basically the entire story. Beyond the first 30 minutes of the game where you explore the childhood of your nameless hero, the story tumbles steadily downward into the land of laziness - a land of cardboard characters, phoned-in plot twists and lopsided pacing. For instance, where the physical and emotional transformation of growing up was decidedly emphasized in the original Fable, Fable 2 glosses over most of your hero's life, effectively going from the age of 10 to 17 to 35 in the span of two minutes.

The game begins with you and your sister in the throws of urban destitution. A mysterious woman, Theresa, approaches and advises you to buy a magical music box from a traveling salesman. The box grants your sister's wish of visiting Castle Fairfax, where she imagines life to be much more grand. Once there, the owner, Lord Lucien, conducts a test which discovers that both you and your sister have the blood of heroes within. He murders your sister, then blasts you threw a window. The game shoots forward from there, with Theresa helping you plot your revenge on Lucien, whose building the ultimate weapon in a far off spire to destroy Albion. In order to do so, your character must unite with three other heroes across the land.

In the original and the sequel, Molyneux does one of the things I hate most in video games. He went the Nintendo-route and made the main character a dumb mute. Nothing aggravates me more then playing a character who doesn't have a shred of intrigue themselves, instead relying completely on the outside world to be relevant at all. I understand developers do this to help players really "assume the role" of the character, but with detailed, narrative-focused video games, it doesn't work. Fable 2 is no different. All those times you wish your character could react, argue, interject, explain, etcetera, have been viciously robbed from you, and in place you get the simplistic Fisherprice "emotes", which are disabled during important scenes, anyway.

-All- of the characters in Fable 2 besides Hammer (the first hero you meet on your journey), are criminally underdeveloped. You never get any glimpse as to the motives or intentions of Lucien and his tower, or why the hell Theresa is helping you, or frankly anything about Theresa at all, except that she's 600 years old with a possible connection to the Heroes Guild of the original Fable (which is told to you on a load screen, of all things). Oh, well, I guess that makes it alright to leave everything else to those wolves of irresponsible ambiguity. Fable 2 skips and tumbles towards the end, with the remaining two heroes stories and quests ushered along. Additionally, the culmination of the game's events is abhorrently underwhelming, ending with a thin, complacent whimper, rather then ANY number of interesting alternatives.

Then comes the combat system. Being able to choose between Strength, Skill and Will abilities is still a solid feature carried over from the original game, where the player can (limitedly) customize their hero to fit their particular whims. Seeing your hero get taller or beefier or grow blue veins is fun, and even rewarding. However, this feeling is undermined by the fact that fighting becomes frustratingly redundant. There you are strolling down a country road, when a group of bandits, hobbes or hollow men that you've fought 60 million times before jumps out to strike you, yet again. Now, had the game offered different creatures to fight, and more powers to learn, these constant conflicts might be seen as a fun endurance test. As it stands, however, the fighting system is clunky and tedious, feeling like the endless encounters were piled on in an attempt to give the game longevity beyond it's deceptively short main quest.

The whole praise system tends to grow stale as well. Initially, it's entertaining to see the way the citizens of Albion act toward you, reacting positively or negatively depending on their personalities and your actions. It's fun to see how many people you can get to follow you at one time, effectively forming your slick posse of unwitting cheerleaders. Then you begin to realize what little effect this actually has on your Fable 2 experience. Whether you're good or evil, you'll be able to do whatever you want, with little regard to far-reaching consequences. You could be a little angel the whole game, then decide to slaughter a village, then take on one round of "community service" to atone, and you can resume being that precious angel to all the folk of Albion. With the exception of a few major changes that depend fully on your alignment, you can do the same quests, marry the same people, do the same mundane jobs, buy the same buildings, no matter whether you're a sweety or a nasty. As a result, the morality system in Fable 2 is ineffectual, and feels like a cheap knock-off of bigger and better games.

Another minor but notable disappointment is the lack of options in clothing, hair styles, weapons and tattoos. I know that now Lionhead is trying to rectify this with their downloadable expansions, but honestly, if you work on a fantasy RPG for four years, you better have more then five pairs of pants and three pairs of gloves to show for it. Comprehensive RPGs demand diversity, and the range of appearances that your character can attain is a major path in the journey for a truly personalized (and hence, more meaningful) experience.

That said, Fable 2 isn't all lemons and garbage. The world of Albion is rendered in a shimmering, pastoral style that really packs a visual punch. Walking to and fro across sun-soaked hills, lush grass and damp caves is an enveloping treat. It really motivates you to explore as much as you can, and the game world size is just the right volume - not too big as to be overwhelming, and not too small as to be unsatisfying. Still, the citizens of this gleaming universe don't look quite as inspired. I feel like there is a drastic difference in polygon count when comparing the people to the environment. The character models often look simple and overly-cartoonish.

There I go again...I've got to find more positive aspects! Well, I will admit that despite all of it's innumerable flaws, Fable 2 was still a fun, short-lived addiction. Oh yeah, you can name your dog, too. I named mine Testicles, and proceeded to giggle for five minutes straight. I played the game non-stop for at least a week and a half, and feel only somewhat ashamed for wasting my time on it. The world is intriguing enough to explore, and the story -starts out- well enough to inspire you to suffer through the rest in order to get the full experience. Unfortunately for Peter Molyneux, that does not translate to "the RPG that will be compared to by all others". Fable 2 is a mildly interesting adventure bogged down by a half-realized morality system, patchy development and overshot ambitions.

Wrestlers + asshole sunglasses + Africa = Resident Evil 5

2009-10-09T13:55:00.015-05:00

Review: Resident Evil 5 (Capcom)

Ever since the original Resident Evil graced the first Playstation, I was hooked on both the bad (clunky controls, awkward dialogue) and the good of the game (disturbing mansion setting, killing zombies, esoteric piano puzzles). What the game had in spades was a simmering subtlety, something like a slightly beefed-up Hitchcock film, where, while you ran into a plethora of monsters at many turns, the tension and placement of such encounters never felt frivolous or whimsical. Additionally, little touches like the increasingly insane journal entries of the mansion's occupants, and the stilted placement of puzzle objects and keys gave Resident Evil the quality of a unique mystery, in addition to it's overarching survival-horror elements.

So, where do you go from there? Resident Evil 2 was much the same as the first, but set in a city environment, offering a unique setting-shift with series' hallmarks in tow. And then, well, Capcom began to lose their minds.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis was the beginning of the end of Resident Evil as a survival-horror staple. Though the clunky controls remained, the game introduced bigger action and less puzzle-solving. Resident Evil: Code Veronica shoved one-dimensional, cackling buffoons into their roster of villains. Resident Evil Zero had a boring train setting and a man that was made of leeches. A man made of leeeeches!

Then...nuclear holocaust: Resident Evil 4. There was little to nothing that distinguished the fourth as a Resident Evil game, save for the characters Leon Kennedy, Albert Wesker and Ada Wong. Like a trite blockbuster action movie with tough guy one-liners, roundhouse kicks, lewd Spaniards, and a laughable child-man dictator thing, Resident Evil 4 marked the point of no return. It was the total embrace of a shitstorm. However, I'd be damned if I said I didn't begrudgingly enjoy the feverish pace and solid fun of popping never-ending Ganados with an arsenal of hand-cannons. As crass as the story and setting was, the gameplay was well designed, even if it had nothing to do with previous Resident Evil gameplay.

So it is with Resident Evil 5, the latest installment in the series. The focus is again on action and overwhelming odds. I have to say that the gameplay was crafted with a little more care this time around. Firstly, there's the whole partner system, which adds some much needed depth to the constant barrage of enemy encounters. You can command your partner to pull switches, hold flashlights, and to be passive or aggressive in battle - they'll cycle between weapons accordingly. You can also play with a friend via system link or Xbox Live, pushing the series into co-op territory for the first time.

Another smart addition to Resident Evil 5 is the bigger variety of enemies to fight, with gun-toting Majini villagers and the flying mutated butterfly-like Kipepeo - plus the return of classic creatures like the Licker and, the Reaper, an insect creature that looks very similar to the Brain Sucker in Resident Evil 2.

The game focuses on one of the series' original protagonists, Chris Redfield, formerly of Raccoon City's S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team. It's been a rocky ride for Chris over the years. He got separated from his partner Jill Valentine on two separate occasions, missed several potential meetings with his devoted sister, and had Umbrella corporation hounding him with the vilest and stupidest creatures one could ever conceive. At least he's found time for an amazing weight training program, though. His biceps bulge with quivering joy in every pixel of Resident Evil 5.

Again, Capcom makes a haphazard attempt at weaving a few old story threads in order to cash in on past successes, while shoving the Resident Evil series further away from it's original dynamic. It feels like Chris' encounters with his past were plopped on top of the gameplay like so much egg salad - a payment of fan service and an opportunity for the game writers to sloth around playing paddle ball and twiddling their thumbs for a few extra months.

So he's joined this B.S.A.A., an anti-terrorism organization which is almost completely trivial to the story at large, and blah, blah, he's in Africa looking for Jill, and blah, blah, it -happens- to be the same spot for an international ploy to spread a new strain of virus from the good old friends at Umbrella. Then, of course, there's Chris' partner on the job, Sheva, who, in true Capcom form, is the cardboard female character devoid of any interesting qualities or backstory.

This just isn't Resident Evil to me. I would enjoy these games so much better if Capcom had made a brand new series out of them. Resident Evil 5 looks incredible - vibrant colors, detailed character animations, shimmering gore, distinguished dismemberment, luminous explosions - the art direction and programming is there. It just doesn't apply to the original tone and machinations of what Resident Evil is in my heart. It's like that geek you befriended in the weight room at school, both sharing a passionate distaste of physical exertion, only to later have him turn on you and become the most buff, meat-headed heartthrob to grace a computer lab. I'm looking at you Brian Triplett.

Resident Evil 5 even plays intuitively...mostly. The over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder camera perspective returns, which at the hold of a button, gives you a sweet view of your character and their gun. A laser sight on each weapon makes aiming easier on the player. Of course, there's a few problems that crop up, too. The inventory screen is a live-play feature, where you have to switch weapons and health around on the fly, while menacing armies of monster-men stroll toward you. I understand that Capcom wanted to add this as a device for furthering difficulty and use of tactics, but the button layout for the inventory squares feels like a total hindrance at the most crucial of moments.

There I am, nearly dead, and all I want to do is get the red herb from Sheva, so I can combine it with my green herb and restore my health - all whilst a huge worm creature bores down on me. This requires me to press a button to open the inventory squares, scroll slowly over to Sheva's inventory, request the herb (making sure I have a free slot for it), get the herb from Sheva who may or may not be immediately available, combine the herbs together, use it on myself, then close out the inventory menu with the same button as before. The inventory squares are a harder enemy then most enemies! Having to close it out on the fly was a real problem for me, I never got the hang of it, considering all the sub-menu bullshit you have to navigate in order to do even that.

The music was...there. That's really all I can say about it. It completely cuts out for most of the game to build tension for the next round of sloppy combat, where the half-hearted string and drum arrangements grow and grow for the "horror" effect. It isn't anything to run over to Amazon and buy the soundtrack for, trust me. More impressive was the sound design, which gave every flesh burst, gun shot, knife slash and explosion a dynamic, satisfying punch. There were a lot of difficult environments to manifest, but the sound never falters in delivering that pure Dolby Digital impact.

I left my last words to talk about the game's antagonist, Albert Wesker. Where in the original game he was merely a corrupt double-agent working for Umbrella, over the years he's grown into an atypical super-villain, Rayban sunglasses and snide vocal inflections included. Since when does this asshole dodge bullets, do kickflips, have red glowing eyes, and wear black suits made of the same material as a kickball? It boggles my mind how dumb Capcom has made Wesker. Why they relied on him for so long as a villain is beyond me. He wasn't that special to begin with. I was totally fine with him dying to the Tyrant in the lab of the first game. I never thought, "you know what would be cool? Resurrecting Wesker and turning him into a demon with sunglasses!"

Metal on Metal, It's what I crave

2009-10-08T19:52:00.003-05:00

Preview: Brutal Legend (Double Fine)

Brutal Legend hits shelves in just a few days, but I wanted to give my initial thoughts on the game before it was released.

The demo on Xbox Live takes your main roadie, Eddie Riggs, from salty veteran technician to emerging rock deity. While attempting to save a member of one of the lame bands that Eddie works for, he gets crushed by a stage set piece. Little did anyone know, Eddie's belt was magically cursed. When his blood spills on to the belt, he is transported to a heavy metal fantasy world.

I was really impressed by the art direction - chunky, lanky and crooked characters and settings. Towering skull faces, pyrotechnics, demon-worshipping - it's all rendered in true Tim Schafer form. Everything is cartoonish and stilted, and it's wonderful.

But the weapons and combat stole the show. You get to use a huge axe, which delivers your typical carnal cleaves, and a Gibson Flying-V guitar that would make Lenny Kravitz reexamine his career. The guitar delivers magical blasts of fire, both knocking enemies away and burning them up. You can perform grin-inducing combos with the two weapons, all of the button sequencing being quite intuitive.

However, my one issue with Brutal Legend thus far, is Jack Black and some of the dialogue. I couldn't help but feel that there were moments where the interactions between Eddie and others really stretched themselves in an attempt to be funny, or tried to fit right into what a "dumb metalhead" might think is hilarious. There's a scene where Eddie meets an attractive girl in the fantasy world, and it's brought up that she doesn't know what French kissing is. In subsequent conversations Riggs continues to bring up the cheesy remark, saying things like, "now, let me teach you the mysterious ways of French kissing." Not only is it a lame spot of dialogue, it also took a whole 3 seconds into Brutal Legend for Eddie to turn from badass to obnoxious. I just hope the game's relationships are paced out naturally, or else it will suffer from "too much, too fast".

The dialogue doesn't rip the enjoyment of the game to shreds, but it does stand out like a sore thumb in my mind. I feel like people will ignore any subpar dialogue because so many think Jack Black is this abomidable clown man who can do no wrong. They'll think "ah huh huh huh, he's J.B., I love him," and not pay attention to how he's portraying Eddie Riggs.

Regardless, the combat system is solid and the design is imaginative. Of course, the music -has- to be awesome. A game about metal culture should have a ripping soundtrack. It definitely does. As you burst the eardrums of your enemies and roar down the road in Eddie's hotrod, you're treated to classic metal - the like of Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath.

I'm definitely excited to play this when it comes out next week, but I'm going to hold to my reservations about Jack Black and the progression of the story until Brutal Legend forces me to put my foot in my mouth for thinking such heathenism.

Looking into the Crystal Ball - My Ten Most Anticipated Games in the Near Future, Part II

2009-10-02T23:37:00.018-05:00

5. Beyond Good and Evil 2

The original Beyond Good and Evil was a critical success but not a commercial success. The game featured Jade, a female protagonist that - surprise - doesn't have huge milk jugs or a weird outfit that just barely agrees to cover the important bits. She isn't a superhuman heroine that crumples enemies in her hands, or a minx commando that answers every question with a bullet - she 's just a muckraking reporter with a camera.

Also, the idea of taking pictures of corporate atrocities towards fuzzy animals didn't sit too well with a lot of gamers, and thus Beyond Good and Evil was resigned to the status of "cult classic", with a small but open-minded fan base.

The series chief designer, Michel Ancel , has always stressed having a distinctive, cinematic environment with overtones of real political and social issues in his games. The first game accomplished this by having Jade take on the monolithic dictatorship of the alien DomZ and corporate puppets Alpha Section, uncovering their dark secrets with her camera in hand and her pig companion, Pey'j providing jet boots attacks. It was a unique blend of free-roaming exploration, platforming obstacles, and Pokemon Snap.

So, will Beyond Good and Evil 2 follow suit? Right now, thats the million dollar question. In fact, it's even a question of if the game will be published at all. Ubisoft and Ancel have been giving contridicting reports about the games progress, the company saying that the game is on hold indefinitely, and Ancel saying the game is taking time to develop, but development has not been stopped. Regardless, Ancel has gone on to divulge the tiniest of details about Beyond Good and Evil 2, hinting that the game will continue the events of the first installment and expand on themes of the planet and it's relationship with the animals.

Beyond that, there isn't much to go on - no release date, no clues on returning cast members, no idea about online content, etc. Beyond Good and Evil 2 is a big mystery at the present, but I'm praying to thine holy Emperor Videogames that the game -will- come out and it will be within a one year period. By now Ancel's team has had half a decade to develop the thing, and, well, it's just about time!

What does exist is a tasty teaser trailer and a little gameplay footage for Beyond Good and Evil 2. No, it won't answer any questions you might have about the game, but it will damn well wet your appetite.

Beyond Good and Evil 2 Trailer
Beyond Good and Evil 2 Gameplay

4. Edge of Twilight

Edge of Twilight sort of came out of nowhere on my radar. It was described as a "steampunk fantasy RPG". Oh great, I thought, another in a long line of Japanese role-playing games that takes a giant shit on the potential greatness that steampunk has to offer. Then I watched the trailer. Oh boy, was I sorely mistaken.

The unique art design alone is staggering. Cities full of buildings with cogs, gears, and rivets, shot through with sand from the surrounding deserts - blue, tribal-looking creatures that manipulate shimmering energy, and adventuring men in dusters and clockwork contraptions strewn about their bodies. The world in Edge of Twilight looks like it would be something quite special to get lost in.

What about the story, though? You play a bounty hunter named Lex, whose born of two warring races, the dark outcast Litherns, and the high technology Atherns. The two battle for a large energy source, with the Atherns prevailing, thinking they wiped out every last Lithern. Being of both worlds, Lex must travel between the realms of Day and Night, following an increasingly complex plot that will have him questioning all that he's known.

It's been said that Edge of Twilight's gameplay will be akin to Devil May Cry, where you can pull off highflying slashes and small megaton blasts, all at the twitch of a few buttons. Additionally, you'll get to use the magical abilities of "Dark Lex", who in the trailer manipulates huge rocks in the air with the slow rise of his hands. If you watch the trailer, you'll notice that there is -a lot- of blood (or maybe it's strawberry jam?). It's clear that the gore factor is going to be over the top, so prepare to have your eyes bathed in red wine.

Unfortunately, no hard and fast release date on Edge of Twilight just yet, but keep those peepers peeled, I have a feeling this game will finally make monocle's cool, and not just ironic-cool.

Edge of Twilight Trailer

3. Heavy Rain

Heavy Rain is something of an enigma. The developers are scant on any solid details, and trailers are basically just misleading tech demos. If you check out the "screen test" trailer, you'll wonder how it's actually a game, and not some sort of dark computer animated drama.

But all the while you're floored by the visual beauty of the trailers. You're eyes will burn from the pure, unfiltered joy of the stark realism in these graphics. I mean, this game looks like a trendy cocaine habit for the eyes. The subtle facial twitches, the quiet body language, the complete rendering of every last mundane object in the room - it all flows seamlessly into a nearly photo-realistic realm.

Apparently, Heavy Rain follows the lives four characters as they track down a murderer know as the "origami killer". Chief game developer David Cage has stressed that the game will focus heavily on the reactions and decisions of the characters, rather then puffing up the murders themselves or using the eccentric killer as an embellished plot device. I smell a little of David Fincher's film, Zodiac, in this. The film almost exclusively documented the reactions and peripheral activities to the actual zodiac murders, infusing the film with a distinct intrigue. We get to see how characters who are investigating the zodiac triumph and fall apart, and generally live out there lives as a result of this murderer on the loose.

Maybe Heavy Rain will take a cue from that. If so, I'm very excited to see how it will be executed in a video game. Usually, games are all about being upfront in the main action of the story, but Heavy Rain could change that come 2010.

The game will feature an odd control scheme, where one of the analogue sticks controls the movement of the characters head, while a trigger button will make them move around. Cage has said that this will "liberate the player from the movement of the camera" giving the game a very cinematic quality, even during gameplay. Combat and chase sequences will be primarily mapped to quick-time button mashes.

It could be that Heavy Rain falls flat on this conceptual face, and that the ideas for the game are nothing but hot air, but I can't help being curious. Here's to hoping that Heavy Rain will be the breakthrough title that it promises to be.

Tech demo for Heavy Rain
Another tech demo for Heavy Rain

2. Bioshock 2

You know, I basically just orgasm thinking about Bioshock 2. Thinking about all the sexy possibilities that are going to be expanded on from the original game - which you wouldn't think could be improved upon. Sure, call me a Bioshock-lover boy. I'm not ashamed. I love everything about the dandy-diner-meets-grusome-horror universe that the folks at 2K Games bestowed on the rest of the world.

I'm most excited about this "Big Sister" concept. Oft times sequels are pumped up with so many steroids, that, like a jock with huge pecs and shriveled balls, the game appears big and bad, but dig a little deeper and you'll find just how impotent it really is. The Big Sister doesn't feel like a novelty caricature. The Big Sister seems like an intriguing and natural evolution in the story. She seems kind of sultry. I might have a crush on a twisted, homocidial lady tin can...well, I guess it's a step up from gore porn and tentacle rape.

During the 10 years after the first game, one little sister in particular grew up. As she grew, she began to mechanize herself, mimicking her diving-suit protectors, the Big Daddies. Eventually, this Big Sister came to rule and maintain Rapture with a literal iron fist.

As a prototype Big Daddy, you find yourself in the Big Sister's Rapture, seeking out little sisters that you can either save or harvest, the choice, once again is left up to the players. If you harvest them you get a horses dose of ADAM, but if you let them live, they harvest ADAM from splicers for you. Now you get to take control of one of those lovable fat behemoths you always wanted to. And yes, you get to use their iconic drill arm and rivet gun for yourself. Additionally, the ability to dual-wield plasmids and weapons will give the nerve-racking combat a small but concise upgrade.

I'm already pre-sold on falling in love with Bioshock 2, which, if it completely sucks will strike a deadly blow to my heart. Don't fuck this up, 2K, for the sake of my heart, don't fuck it up!

Bioshock 2 Trailer

1. Final Fantasy XIII

I have to face the fact that I'm a total cocksucker for the Final Fantasy series, specifically ever since I bought and cried at Final Fantasy VII for the original Playstation. Despite the fact that the series has become fervently flamboyant with subsequent iterations, and the stories haven't been as strong each time around, Final Fantasy still manages to reel me in. Even with it's progressive flaws, the series always captured my attention with dynamic worlds, imaginative creatures, bittersweet character relationships, and a tried and true battle system.

So, it's no surprise that Final Fantasy XIII tops my list of most anticipated games. Ever since footage of the game was released in 2006, I've done some extreme lip-biting in monstrous anticipation of this next-gen Final Fantasy game. None of that MMO nonesense like in Final Fantasy XI - those unhelpful internet tough guy cliches, the nails-on-chalkboard XP gain, and the 14 year old boys flaming caps on the chat bar, saying how much of a "BIG FAG U R" for not casting wateraga on a Big Bomb at the exact right moment. Final Fantasy XIII is going to be a balls to the wall, slip and slide, cookies and cream, straight-up single player role-playing game. Hallelujah!

The game's story revolves around the world of Pulse, a place inhabited by humans and beings called fal'Cie. fal'Cie are people born of crystals that reside within them, granting them extrodinary powers. A prominent fal'Cie creates a floating city called Cocoon, which manufactures it's own life and machines for use across the domed metropolis. Eventually, the rift between Pulse and Cocoon widens, Cocoon's religious government becoming fanatically prejudiced against inhabitants of Pulse. Three fal'Cie in particular, ex-Cocoon military, Lightening and Sazh, and Pulse freedom fighter, Snow, find themselves wrapped up in a conflict where loyalties and beliefs are put to the ultimate test.

Unlike Final Fantasy XII's battle system, where you basically walked around and let the automatic gambits do the work (if you were so inclined), Final Fantasy XIII will boast a hybrid Active Time Battle (ATB) system that is similar to the system in Final Fantasy VII. The system is turn-based with the familiar attack, command, ability and item commands to choose from, but a few new tricks have been integrated to spice things up. You'll be able to link attacks between your party to pull off fancy combos which leads to a "break state" or brief incapacitation, which players can take advantage of. Also, the summons are integrated more imaginatively then before, where the summoned creature can take the place of a party member or become physically joined to them in some way, like using the summon as a gun or a vehicle.

Needless to say, I'm practically slushing through my own drool in anticipation of Final Fantasy XIII. It looks beautiful, Final Fantasy VII-art director Testuya Nomura is designing the characters, the story sounds exciting, and the battle system seems like an inutitive mix of old and new. And it's just around the corner....right? The official release date for North America is June 20th, 2010. Sigh. Well, I've waited this long, I can -try- to wait a little longer.

Final Fantasy XIII Trailer

That's what my future holds in games. A lot of exciting titles that I can only hope deliver on their various sets of standards. I'd like to give an honorable mention to Half-Life 2: Episode 3, for Valve's continuation of their fiercely unique sci-fi universe and deftly-scripted singe player campaigns, as well as Red Dead Redemption, Rockstars attempt at recussitating the spaghetti western adventure that gave all other modern western video games a viable market to dip into.

That's all for now, I want to thank you in advanced for scrolling so far down the page to read this thing. If you want I can personally apply Icy-Hot to your scrolling finger while singing "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner.

The new face of game journalism

2009-10-01T11:34:00.008-05:00

What follows is an excellent video outlining the past, present and future of video game journalism and how's it's changed. Interviews include people from some of the industries biggest blog-style sites like Steven Titilo of Kotaku.

Source: Player's Only, Digital Trends (www.digitaltrends.com)

Where the Wild Journalists Are

It's an interesting piece, that I'm inclined to agree with. The death of print media seems like an inevitability at this point, and hell, that's a good thing. It saves trees, it lowers or eliminates costs of distribution and the lag time on features between publication to print is no longer an issue. Industry big-wigs need to stop hemming and hawing, and really look at how they can enter the digital age successfully.

What struck me more in the video, was the criticism of video game journalism content. I had always felt that video game reviews pander to a target audience thanks to revenue shares from advertisements for the -very- games a publication was reviewing. It seems like a hyperbolic situation doesn't it? A reviewer being "fair" and "accurate" about a game, while on the next page looms a gigantic ad, which acts like a big regulator dinosaur, ferociously making sure the reviewer does not stray into authenticity. It's good to know that more and more journalists are looking to improve their content and write about video game topics that go beyond placid reviews - casting an extremely scrutinizing eye on games, the industry, philosophy, anthropology and so on. It's about time!

Games aren't just for kids, and it's time to start treating them like it. They're vehicles for adult entertainment as well - hell, the generation that grew up on Nintendo, Sega Genesis, and Super Nintendo is now in their mid-twenties - most of us are still unhealthily and unabashedly obsessed with video games. It's time to make video games just as culturally iconic and generation-defining as movies and pop music have been for the past century and half century respectively. Deft, responsible journalism is the key to this.

Xbox 360 recieves Fattest Kid Award

2009-09-23T16:26:00.008-05:00

Source: Digital Trends (www.digitaltrends.com)

Xbox needs a triple bypass, stat!!

Though this article is none too surprising, it does provide a few percentages that are pretty telling about failure rates between Playstation 3, Xbox 360 and Wii. As you definitely guessed, Xbox and their lovely red ring of death scored the top spot with 23.7% reported failure rate from all systems sold.

This article is particularly poginant to me, as my Xbox 360 just failed for the first time a week ago, and I had to send it in. I've had my system for about a year and a half now. Luckily, I jumped on the new generation of consoles bandwagon pretty late in the game, so my warranty covers three years of service. I can imagine how pissed off people who got Xbox's immediately when they came out must be about this new warranty - it leaves older customers in the dust.

Just another example of how Microsoft is run by greedy vampires, with a backwards view on their market, and no interest in long-term business gain. Seriously, have you looked at Xbox Live lately? They want to charge me to watch episodes of South Park, when I can just visit the show's website and stream every single episode for free? Paying for -background themes- for my Live account? Doling out dough for avatar pictures? It's fucking ridiculous.

On the other hand, it's ironic that the Wii has the least amount of system failures, but also the look of a novelty toy.

Looking into the Crystal Ball - My Ten Most Anticipated Games in the Near Future, Part I

2009-09-17T16:04:00.032-05:00

Forsoothing is a tough business, let me tell you. You make predictions and 50% of the time you're wrong. That only leaves 13% dumb luck, 20% nipple tickles, 7% false-reassurance, 8% horse glue and only 2% of actual clarvoyance. However, even though I run the risk of further tarnishing my already dodgy reptutation, Michael the Magnificent Mind Mapper from Massechusetts will brave unknown waters and bring to you the most cherished and sought-after thing in life -- new video games.

What follows are the games that are soon to appear to everyone as wavy apparitions, games that you should be excited for (I know I am), and if you aren't -- well, you're most likely boring and you probably have cancer:

10. Starcraft 2

As many pointless online petitions will tell you, Starcraft 2 has been anticipated for nearly a decade. Since it's release in 1998, the original Starcraft has flowered from a deft sci-fi real-time strategy game to the fiery god-like diety that currently rules over South Korea with an iron fist. When a game gets it's own channel, and causes people to die from dehydration, let's face it, the game has the power of a god.

In typical Blizzard fashion, the sequel is determined to rule the entire world, and like evolution, take a million years to bring anything to fruition. Development began around four years ago, and Blizzard is only -guessing- that the game will be ready for an early 2010 release. Thats dedication to an art form.

It's all worth the wait, of course, because nothing beats a beautiful, bloody battlefield full of Terran Marines and Zerg Hydralisks. With the promise of new and expanded units, new worlds to scorch, returning characters like Jim Raynor and Zeratul, and an in-depth single player and multiplayer campaign, it'd be nice for Starcraft 2 to live up to it's predecessor. Then maybe surpass it, so Koreans can obsess over a game thats actually of this generation. Regardless, when Starcraft 2 is released we can all collectively say, "Jacked up and good to go!"

Trailer for Starcraft 2

9. Mass Effect 2

Bioware doing a sequel to one of their own games?! It's a miracle - and maybe a chance for the game to actually be good. Leaving the sequels of their last two critically-acclaimed titles, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and Neverwinter Nights in the hands of terrible, terrible strangers (Obsidian Studios), Bioware has a penchant for making wonderful things happen, then shedding those things and moving on to something entirely different. Not this time, though. The sequel to one of the most ambitious sci-fi role-playing games of all time, is all Bioware, baby.

Mass Effect 2 takes place two years after the events of Mass Effect, with meaty-muscles Commander Shepard investigating the unexplained disappearances of entire human colonies across the galaxy. To do this, he must team up with unlikely allies, from the galaxies most talented and dangerous individuals, to the human-supremacist corporation, Cerebrus.

According to Bioware, you'll be able to use save files from the first Mass Effect, implementing them to influence events and your character in the sequel. That's a sweet idea, I think, I just hope they can execute it as well as they are proposing. The addition of heavy weapons is nice, but I'm looking forward to the expanded and diverse environs, as well as the enchancements to the combat system, the most. Apparently, the graphics will be even better this time around, I just hope they won't have to play render-tag with texture loading again. When the detail comes in a full four seconds after a scene begins, it definitely chips at immersion.

Bioware has yet to let me down, though. Come January through March 2010, I imagine Mass Effect 2 will only cement why I love the development studio so much.

Trailer for Mass Effect 2

8. Brutal Legend

I've been looking forward to this game for a long time - looking forward to ear-splitting metal music, cartoonish gore, and a land completely doused in heavy metal Valhalla. The game's creator Tim Schafer, responsible for irreverently unique games like Grim Fandango, Full Throttle, and Psychonauts is helming this tongue-in-cheek ode to the world of metal music. With Schafer behind the wheel, you know anything great is possible.

Fans of Schafer will recognize the bulky character designs and stilted premise that Brutal Legend has in spades. The game follows a metal band roadie, Eddie Riggs, as he one day finds himself in a strange fantasy world where humans have become the slaves of demons. He's charged with liberating them, one gnarly note at a time.

The usage of both a Flying V guitar and a huge axe in combat makes me giddy with anticipation. Apparently, you can use the guitar to cast different types of magic, then finish the job like splitting a log. However, I'm not too thrilled about Jack Black voicing Eddie. It's not that I don't like Black, but I don't think he effectively encompasses the metal and comedy culture as much as he -thinks- he does. I am excited that Tim Curry, of Clue and Home Alone 2 fame will be voicing one of the other characters.

Regardless, I'm ready for the sizzling solos, the lightening licks, the rapturous riffs, the terrible tones, the harrowing hammer-ons, the -- you get the idea. I'm ready for Brutal Legend, coming soon. Like real soon - October 13th, 2009.

Trailer for Brutal Legend

7. God of War III

Its not that Kratos is a particularly endearing character, what with his childish temper tantrums, his macho posturing, and his loud volume level of dialogue in all contexts - but dagnabit, there's something that's charming about him. He's like a mascot for over-the-top violence, a Mr. Clean of Greek Gods who has pillaged his way into our hearts and our thumbs.

God of War III picks up right after the events of the second game, with Kratos rallying the titans against the remaining gods of Olympus. It's rumored that the plot will involve our brazen bald bastard seeking out an alternate path in which to storm Mount Olympus.

It's been said that Kratos will be able to use the head of sun god, Helios, to blind opponents and reveal hidden areas, and will use the boots of Hermes to increase his acrobatic skills. The tried and true combo system returns, and is expanded upon, giving you more intricate moments of gleeful dismemberment and superfluous slicing. Additionally, Kratos will retain the Blades of Athena, Golden Fleece and Wings of Icarus from God of War and God of War II.

I'm excited to see an extremely well-rendered God of War environment - expansive locales, mythical beasts like cyclopses and harpies, fluid combat and shimmering gore - it'll be a party of mythological proportions. God of War III is slated for a March 2010 release.

Trailer for God of War III

6. Hydrophobia

I was immediately intrigued by Hydrophobia when I heard about it's unique premise. You play an engineer aboard a city-sized cruise ship that's been hi-jacked by terrorists. The goal of the game - besides saving civilians from terrorists - is to survive disaster, making your way through flooding rooms, submerged obstacles, explosions and so forth.

The premise is an interesting near-future tale, where the population growth of humanity has reached catastrophic proportions, forcing big business to get creative in order to turn major profits. They create the Queen of the World, a mobile metropolis that cruises across the oceans, pulling in huge sums of money in the process. Consequently, much of the world's wealth is funneled to the pockets of these corporations.

The developers have been working on the "HydroEngine" for the past three years - a cutting edge tool that augments the dynamic behavior and textural realism of computer-generated water to an unprecedented level.

Granted, Hydrophobia could turn out to just be some kind of gimmick. I'm hoping that the team behind the game has spent just as much time on the gameplay and story, as they did on the environments, otherwise Hydrophobia could turn out to be a supermodel, all looks and no depth. The game was slated to come out all the way back in March of this year, but apparently it's still on track for a 2009 release. It'd be nice to get my hands on this unique-sounding title, but lets hope the developers don't rush anything.

Gameplay footage of Hydrophobia

And so that is half of the list of games that will likely destroy my socks, but the most exciting titles are still to come. Stay tuned...

Be Bored With the Beatles

2009-09-11T21:41:00.005-05:00

I always thought The Beatles: Rock Band, was a stupid idea - a cheap cash-in on a remastered catalog ready-made for a new generation of fans, for a seriously overrated band that just won't die. Don't get me wrong, I do selectively enjoy The Beatles (namely Abbey Road and Revolver), and their musical influence is an abomidable snowman which thousands of subsequent bands ride the shoulders of. However, their relatively straightforward arrangements just don't call for a fun music gaming experience.

I mean, think about it, the Beatles song catalog (at least the traditional instrumentation) is far from complex - Paul, Ringo, George and John prided themselves on taking simple rock n'roll and meshing it with both pop sensibilities, pinched solos, and oblique experimentation. Their music may sound complex all mashed together, but take it apart one by one and you'll see a lot of repetition. I can't fathom how this would translate well into a game that requires drastically shifting songs to remain entertaining and garner replayability. Does this mean I have to just press and hold down one button for that wall of sound in "Tommorrow Never Knows" or just wait for three minutes until the guitar solo comes up in "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"?

I'm definitely not going to get a sexual thrill playing the Rock Band guitar, bass or drum sequences for songs like "I Want to Hold Your Hand", "Can't Buy Me Love" or "Ticket to Ride", which, while certainly iconic pieces of pop music history, are pretty standard four-lads British Invasion music. I forsee an avalanche of redundant red, red, red, green, green, green, red, red, red in your future.

So if it's not for the skill of knocking out difficult button sequences, then the draw is purely historical reiteration. A game for first-year drama students, kids with hippy parents...or any kind of parents, the parents of kids who like games, jocks, people who wear Pink Floyd shirts saying all music died in 1970 until the band Nirvana then it died again, generic singer-songwriters and boring pot-heads.

...god damn it, they're going to make millions off of this game. I wish I had thought of it!

Getting WET never felt so slimy and underwhelming.

2009-09-11T00:39:00.014-05:00

Preview: Wet (Artificial Mind and Movement)

Having previously seen some behind-the-scenes footage on the development of Wet, I was immediately skeptical. Here was this game that featured a "bad" girl toting dual guns, a sword and a particular love for drinking bottles of Jack Daniel's, which, after taking a few gulps, she throws in the air and shoots to pieces. Why? Well, if it's not a fun new form of recycling, then it's got to be that she's just too badass to set the bottle down and continue on her way. Does that sound extremely stupid to you? Me too. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

In effort to actually know my enemy, I begrudgingly played the demo of Wet (the full game is released on September 15th). It starts you off with your main tough chick squeeze, Rubi, as she literally crashes down on a drug deal that she originally was supposed to be a part of. Some guy takes her place, double crosses the buyer then high-tails it with the drugs, and blah, blah, Rubi wants revenge, power-slide chasing ensues.

The development team, Artificial Mind and Movement, attempts to blatantly smother their setting with spaghetti western and slick heist film aesthetics, and it all comes off as contrived pander-candy for the lowest common denominator. Obviously, one or two of the development team thought if they sucked all the enjoyment out of Kill Bill, The Matrix, Max Payne, Once Upon a Time In the West, Snatch, and Devil May Cry, then turned it into a bastardized video game, money would ensue. How do you seal the deal? Smoking hot chick with denim and guns! I bet the developers said, "Let's make it happen! Let's make it so people will throw up the next time they hear 'bullet time' or 'gun battles' or 'tits'."

But who am I to judge Artificial Mind and Movement so harshly? Especially when they have such stellar game titles like High School Musical and Kim Possible under their belts.

The bullet time events that the creators practically orgasm over whenever they're interviewed, are completely laughable. Every time I took a step, I was in another gun battle and sliding around in slow-motion. Sliding, shooting and more sliding. I feel like Rubi should be doing her taxes or reading a book while she slides around all over the place. Maybe she should just add wheels to her shins, and -viola- no more bike, no more car - she's got a leg-wagon! Let's not forget the totally "sweet" aiming system, where you can make Rubi's arms flail around, pumping her dual pistols wildly at a total of -two- different targets at a time! Not one, two! Doesn't that sound fun and worth the effort? You'd hope so, because fun or a thesis paper, or paying your bills is what you'll desperately be clawing to do when you send Rubi on one of her two hour power-slide tours.

It was hard for me to even sit through the demo. Wet seems like cleavage and mindless action with overly-exploited cinematic flair to spice things up - all in an effort to woo young, impressionable boys to spend lots of money, and teach them to accept that kind of garbage as a "quality" action game. For some strange, unfathomable reason, I don't think playing the full game of Wet is going to change my mind. I can't imagine why.

Do yourselves a favor, if you want an over-the-top action game that -works- and is hilariously self-indulgent, go check out Devil May Cry 3 for Playstation 2. It's got style, it's got pizza, it's got huge swords, blazing guns, sexy babes and wise-cracking protagonists. What more could you ask for?

Gamestop, the Corporate Floozy

2009-08-31T21:27:00.015-05:00

We've all experienced this at least once in our lives: You stride into your local Gamestop, head held high, expecting to find a sweet deal on a game that's been out for long enough (say 6 months) to warrant a depreciated value. You cruise over to the (insert game console) section and scan their selection. You're in luck! The game you've patiently restrained yourself for half a year to play - the awesome, the incomparable (insert game title), is in stock in the "used" section! Then your eyes glance over that yellow price tag. (insert obscene monetary value)!! How does a -used- copy of (insert game title) cost (insert obscene monetary value)?!

To confirm this abuse of market forces, you take the used copy of (insert game title) over to the "new" section, and search for a new copy of (insert game title). With both copies in hand, you slowly look back and forth at each, discovering an even more unfathomable truth. The new (insert game title) is (insert same obscene monetary value plus two dollars)! You set the games down and rub your eyes in disbelief. You wander wobbly-legged and stupefied over to the checkout counter and glance up at the "trade-in value" board. Lo and behold (insert game title) only scores you (insert microscopic, soul-shattering monetary value). Once the complimentary rape from the cardboard stand-up Master Chief is finished, your trip to Gamestop is complete. You leave as half of what you once were.

Why is this experience all too common? With the Internet providing cheaper alternatives to game purchases - like Amazon, Gamefly and emerging Games-on-demand services available on each console - what is the incentive in even going out of the house and playing bitch to the price-gouging belligerence of a video game store like Gamestop? It's because we want to believe that there is a chance we will uncover that ultimate discount, that a physical place like Gamestop may save us that dent of shipping and handling for online orders, and even a little more cash when the companies marketing department is feeling a sag in sales.

Yet, when you look at the simple mathematics of it, their profit margin is 10,000 miles wide. One time I went to Gamestop to return Devil May Cry 4 - they offered me $8 for it. I went over to see how much they were selling the game for, just to get an idea of how much I was getting ripped off. $35 for a -used- version. So, that's an excess of $27, covering the severe coke addiction of each Gamestop CEO, I guess? Honestly, I don't understand where the company gets off on justifying their business practices. It's not like the stores need much money for overhead, considering they're all dirty, unorganized and the employees get minimum wage to start with. Plus, you factor in the money they get from game reservations, Edge discount cards, strategy guides, and those abhorrently upsold subscriptions to Game Informer Magazine, and Gamestop's boatload of profit makes a whole lot of sense.

It's funny, because for me, Gamestop, is exactly what they say they are. I know they stop me from buying games, after all. Their current slogan is "Power to the player", a cheap, shallow way to undercut any accusations of their money-mongering. And why not? The video game industry is a multi-billion dollar a year tasty cake, so of course you're going to have some polo-shirt toting, yacht-lounging, Filipino sex slave-trading venture capitalist gouging video games biggest demographic - children - for all that it's worth.

Of course, there's the argument that games aren't cheap to make. With productions averaging in the lower millions, it's been said that unreasonable prices are necessary for Gamestop, the game developer, the game distributor, and the legal and financial networks to get any kind of profit. Funny, how is it, then, that movies, which cost hundreds of millions of dollars to make - with bigger crews, more legality, and more distribution channels - offer movie tickets for $10 and DVDs for $15? That's a combined $25, which barely comes close to the price of a used game that's 4 months old, not too mention a new game that costs $60.

The rape-age that occurs when you enter a Gamestop, doesn't prove that the company is evil, though. They're a corporation like any other. It just proves that they're assholes. Assholes who know how to exploit a market.

Looking at the 1986 Olympics through the Mirror's Edge. The event: Free running.

2009-08-30T02:10:00.035-05:00

Review: Mirror's Edge (DICE)

Every now and again there is a game that comes along and quietly redefines what a video game experience is "supposed" to be. The game might not have great success in the gaming market as a whole, but it causes ripples in all sorts of conceptual pools. The folks at EA's development studio DICE asked themselves, "why do first person games always have to be shooters? And why do they have to look so grim? Why not a first person -platformer- that's bright and primary-colored?" Luckily or unluckily, these questions lead to what is now the mixed bag that is Mirror's Edge.

Hands down, the most arresting aspect of Mirror's Edge is the abstract color palette employed throughout the entirety of the game. You won't be seeing muted hues and fading tones around the white-washed cityscape. Instead, you'll see slabs of bright blue, red, yellow, green and orange all set against a pearly white primer. While I was playing through the game, I got a very strange sense of deja vu, like I'd seen this kind of aesthetic before. I realized I was thinking about the Olympics, particularly their graphic design during the '80s. All the banners, advertisements, t-shirts and mugs had that distinctive "blocks of primary colors on white backgrounds" look. There's something that just screams "athletics" in that color arrangement.

In a sense, that works perfectly for Mirror's Edge, because it's a game of glorified free-running. Bounding at high velocities from rooftop to rooftop, sliding under rails and jumping over pipes is a truly exhilarating experience, thanks to the immediacy of the first person perspective. DICE made sure that their concept wasn't just a cheap novelty. Adding little realistic touches like the camera mimicking head-bobs and vertigo blur-outs, and seeing the arms and legs behave accurately to dashes, falls and climbs - infuses the game's core mechanics with fluidity and style.

The buzz word is "liberation". Liberation of movement - the freedom to choose your own path, and navigate the obstacles as you see fit - giving the player a thrilling rush of high-stakes acrobatics. Of course, it isn't completely free roaming, but within the defined boundaries there are a number of ways to reach your goal. Think wall-runs are too risky? Try springing off a back wall and shooting over to the next platform instead. Don't want to have to balance yourself on that thin little pipe? Try using an easy zipline instead. In Mirror's Edge the limits are there, but what you do within them is entirely up to you.

The combat system is a solid addition, though it takes some getting used to. If you tap the assigned disarm button at the right time, you can take away an enemies gun and stun him briefly. There's also linked combos where you can perform a stunt and then end it with a fancy melee attack on an opponent. In theory, this sounds like a lot of fun. However, in practice the controls aren't always responsive, and there isn't much practical use for combat in general. It may have been DICE's intention to minimize fighting in Mirror's Edge, but they could have stood to sprinkle a few more encounters (particularly one-on-one encounters) throughout the game to give a greater sense of dynamic satisfaction. Of course, too much fighting would have subverted what the game is all about.

Even the music is a shining example of abstract splendor. With it's mixture of ephemeral ambient chords when "feeling the flow" on rooftops, to the driving '80s synths during chase sequences, the original score is poignantly executed. It seems to fit in perfectly with the sleek technology and geometric visuals of the game. The title theme, "Still Alive" by Lisa Miskovsky reminded me a little of Coldplay, but, somehow I still enjoyed it. If I actually -enjoyed- a song that sounded similar to Coldplay, well, you know that the game's music has to be something special.

Mirror's Edge sets the stage for a fascist corporate world where all information flow is quantified and scrutinized, making it easy to quash subversive rebellion. In our reality free-running is barely considered a legitimate sport, reserved for Calvin Klein models and overly-enthusiastic graphic designers. The world of Mirror's Edge casts free-runners as the essential pillars of circumventing the status quo, high-flying carriers of sensitive information that clients do not wish the powers that be to know about.

The story focuses on one of these free-runners, Faith, a nimble Asian woman who unwittingly gets caught up in a political coup when her cop sister is framed for the murder of an up and coming politician. In order to prove her sisters innocence, Faith must scour the rooftops and infiltrate the headquarters of the companies suspected of cooking up the scheme.

There's a reason I haven't addressed the story of Mirror's Edge until now. It's because, in my mind, it is the games biggest flaw. It's not that the characters are unbelievable or the alternate reality is boring, it's just that the game's narrative writers make plot-twists and holes their $2 dollar whores. It's hinted that Faith's family were political activists, swept to the side when the corporate cleansing took hold of the city, but beyond that, there is no real correlation as to why she and her sister were setup. The "twists" sprinkled throughout the game (especially toward the end) don't make things more legitimate - they seem to smack one right after the other, lessening any real impact on the player's emotions.

Then, of course, there are the infamous cutscenes where most of the story plays out. Billed as looking like E-surance commercials, the animation is blocky and simplistic, a blaring difference against the high definition shimmer of the game world. When I started Mirror's Edge and saw that first plonky animation, I scratched my head and thought, "really? You couldn't have gone that extra mile to make the cutscenes look nice?" It doesn't feel like a purposeful artistic choice, but a lazy alternative in the name of saving a little cash. Is it really worth cutting corners for a game with such high-flouting design?

Peripheral features like "Speed Run" and "Time Trial" give the game a modicum of replayability, even if it does feel a little shallow. The challenges of reaching awkwardly placed checkpoints will definitely have you pulling out your hair, as you try to beat that kid in Japan with the world's best time, who could probably play the game upside down, blind-folded, while simultaneously playing Russian Roulette.

In the end (I tried so hard, and got so far), Mirror's Edge still stands as a testament to the power of visual aesthetics, and innovative first-person platforming. It's an outline for a future video game that could be truly great, with a story that keeps pace with the conceptual wanderings of the development team. It'll be interesting to see if DICE manages to exceed expectations and really deliver on their "arty-farty meets thriller" aspirations with Mirror's Edge 2.

The Fiddly Future of Games

2009-08-19T18:58:00.006-05:00

Although this web video is a little melodramatic in my opinion, I still feel it provides an interesting insight as to the future of the video game industry in general. It's a two part series that sheds light on what some of the more notable game producers think about the industry. Major plus for the interview with Bioware's co-founders Greg Zeschuk and Ray Muzyka!

Sourced from Digital Trend's Players Only video gaming section:

Players Only - Video Games Are Dead: Part 1

Players Only - Video Games Are Dead: Part 2

I'm going to need a map, Bioshock, because I just keep getting lost in your eyes.

2009-08-14T02:19:00.020-05:00

Review: Bioshock (2K Games)

Bioshock takes place in 1960, within a serpentine and elaborate underwater city called Rapture. Rapture is not a happy place. It's a place that might have existed in reality if, say, writer Ayn Rand decided to build an aquarium where Nazi doctor Josef Mengele facilitated the health care program and Metropolis-director Fritz Lange handled the interior design. Rapture was built to be a paradise for those wanting to escape the chains of the world’s governing systems, namely communism, democracy and theocracy. There is a well summarized introductory video narrated by the cities founder, Andrew Ryan, that explains the philosophy of Rapture, as you make your first descent into the city.

Rapture was to be an ideal city. A living utopia, where the smartest, strongest and most creative of human society would be free to explore their ambitions and dreams. Doctors, inventors, artists, scientists, social engineers - all working to create a society that would dishonor the rest of the world. However, a series of conflicts of interest send the city down a path of depravity and destruction.

Bioshock is a beautiful looking game. The way the water shimmers and foams, the way neon lights taper off walls, the way that explosions smolder, the way that enemies scamper, slump and die - it is all masterfully executed. The game has a hyper-noir atmosphere - a meeting of pulp science fiction with 1950s' American pop advertising. You get a constant sense of dramatic irony when you explore each section of Rapture. Humorous vending machines spout off automated dialogue like "Welcome to the circus of values!" and "Come back when you've got some money, buddy!" as you pass them. Jukeboxes play iconic '50s songs like "How Much Is That Doggy In the Window?" and "Papa Loves Mambo". The deranged populous, known as splicers, tend to be a bit talkative...and always about things completely unrelated to the present situation. My favorite line is, "you call that tenderloin?! If you served that in any hotel in New York, you'd be laughed out of town!" All of this shrill humor, off set by a dark brooding and sense of desperate survival ever present throughout the game.

The gameplay is engaging and fairly intuitive. You utilize a combination of weapons and "plasmids", which are special powers that let you burn, freeze, shock and a number of other things, at the wave of your hand. I was surprised at just how integrated the plasmids were in combat. You'd figure that you could only use these powers once in a while, but in actuality you have to use them -all- the time to even survive in combat. Guns certainly do their job, but the plasmids are essential. Combining the two is the coup-de-grace of the gameplay in Bioshock. For instance, if you decided to freeze a splicer and then blow them to tiny frozen bits with the shotgun - that is a successful hybrid of the combat system. If you wanted to stun your enemy with lightening, then thwack them with your wrench - another ultra-satisfying weapon/plasmid combination.

You can further increase you abilities with tonics. Tonics give you secondary stat increases, for skills such as hacking security cameras and making you more resilient to damage. A hot, sexy protip for you: Any hacking camera or turret tonics prove to be invaluable, so use them! There are basically 15 million cameras and turrrets all around Rapture, and they will chew you up, then spit you out thirty seconds later like Fruit Stripe gum.

The sound and original music are sterling silver. Every single nuance that could have been thought of was implemented in a master stroke. The deranged cries of splicers down that decrepit looking hallway, the heavy foot steps and monstrous groans of the Big Daddies, the bursting water and menacing string arrangements that strike as you plod from one section to the next - all form a complex sound palette which completes the harrowing atmosphere of Bioshock. The audio electrifies the tension of an already gripping experience, playing relentlessly on the nerves of the player every step of the way.

Bioshock is something you need to experience. There is no fuss-budgy argument against it. It might not be your normal cup of tea, but you'll definitely appreciate the execution of such an ambitious and disturbing interactive narrative. It shows that games are beginning to surpass films in a variety of aspects, especially in terms of storytelling and complexity. To me, Bioshock is a blue print for what games of the future could potentially achieve, where the artistic and cultural inclinations speak just as loudly as it's mechanics and interactivity.